Wednesday, October 20, 2004

This Is Hell

I’m remembering
I don’t know how
I don’t know why
But it’s coming back
Not everything
I don’t remember seeing my Grandpa
I don’t remember the castle
I don’t remember dancing with my mother
I don’t remember anything that I talked about
But there are broken, chopped fragments
I kind of popped out of the top of my head
And floated up to the ceiling
I could see everything
The machines
The doctors and nurses
And I could see my body
Lying there
I was dead
I wasn’t inside it anymore

And then I went away
I went somewhere....
I don’t really know where
But I was warm
And safe
And.... I was at peace
For the first time in 15??
No, The first time in 12 years
I wasn’t miserable
I didn’t feel like crying
I was content
There was no pain
No fear
I think I was in Heaven

Only I didn’t get to stay
I was torn away
Ripped out
Brought here
Where everything hurts again
And it’s all just so awful
I thought it was bad before
But that was nothing
Now everything is so dark
And cold
And hard
Hard, and dark, and cold?
Everything I think
Everything I feel
Everything I AM

This is Hell

“I live in Hell, cause I’ve been expelled from Heaven.”


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