Wednesday, October 20, 2004

a psychiatrist to her supervisor:

“Fear, pain, abuse, betrayal....
It’s the case of a little girl, whose innocence was shattered by molestation, forcing her to grow up at a very early age
She sank deep into a bottomless depression, she couldn’t eat, she couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t stop crying....
It didn’t take her long to learn. To learn that no one likes the little girl who doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh.. The girl who spends her recesses curled up in a corner, in the fetal position, unable to move, paralysed by her fear
So she became an actress, and began to pretend
But, it was still there, underneath all the smiles, and giggles that everyone fell for
Her level of trust has fallen below, even that of abnormal
His name was Brian
It’s the barely remembered scars of her past that have had the greatest, most lasting effects on this child’s behaviour and emotional stability
Causing insecurities about herself, and the inability to trust any men that come into her life.
Next was her cousin. She was 9 years old.
It’s become a pattern
Everyone who follows betrays and eventually abandons her
Family conflicts, wrong crowds, seeking attention in all the wrong places
Short lived relationships, both friendly and romantic, promiscuity....
She started to broaden to the workplace, both school and profession
A boy- she thought she could trust
Became a stalker
And then a massage therapist, massaging much more than she'd paid for, or expected.
More tears, and blood, and pain
All invoking dreams of failure and re-occurring memories of the unbearable past
With this, she seeks refuge in expressing herself artistically
Not with paint, on a canvas
But with blades, on her body
She is drowning in her own insecurities, in her own tears, and in her own blood
This, sir, is a case in need of immediate attention.”


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