Rachael Lois Nolan

**my glimmer**

She's only 5 years old
She doesn't know about me
She doesn't know how I am
It's still too much for her, you see

She's only 5 years old
And she'll be 6 in the blink of an eye
But that's still too young to know
I'll always have to lie

Soon she'll be seven
And then she'll be eight
But I still won't tell
She's got much longer to wait

"What happened to your arms?"
"Katie, what are all those marks?"
"Take off your sweatshirt if you're hot!"
"Katie, I want to go to the park!"

"I saw you remembered your swim suit,
Can we go swimming today?"
"Katie, please?? It's perfect!
It's too hot outside to play!"

But there's always a reason
There will always be a lie
She's not old enough to understand
What I do and why

What would they even tell her?
If I did commit suicide?
What can you possibly tell a child,
As to why her cousin chose to die?

So, she will be my glimmer
I'll do it for Rachael
I'll be good enough for her
I could never leave my angel

She doesn't need to know the truth
Not for many more years
For now she just needs me to love her
And help her dry her tears

I'll always be there for her
We'll talk about everything
No matter how many scars are hidden
Bedtime songs I will still sing

I'll live for Rachael and Andrew
I'll do my best for those kids
And someday I will die
But it won't be from something I did