Drowning

Drowning
drowning in myself
in my own feelings
feelings of guilt
guilt and abandonment
feelings of shame
worthlessness, embarrassment, inadequacy....
feelings that are too much
too much for me to handle

drowning
drowning in the water
that i use to try and cleanse myself
to try and rid myself of the dirt
dirt that he put inside me
without my permission
or my consent

drowning
drowning in the tears
the tears, that just won't stop
they won't stop coming..
and drowning in the blood
blood thats pouring
from the self-inflicted wounds
the feeble attempts to..
to..
to..

i don't even know what
to feel
something
or, maybe not to feel
anything
i don't know
i just know im drowning

drowning
drowning in my anger
in this thick, inexplicable anger!!
what would i give to be wearing a life jacket right now?
to have someone toss me a flotation device?
anything- i think
everything- i know

help!
help me!
i am drowning!
someone, save me!
someone, please, come get me out!!