Wednesday, June 29, 2005

as they walk down the beach, on a warm summer's night
not a word comes from her mouth
it's not uncomfortable, or awkward
there's just so much to think about

he's just so perfect, and she loves him so much
he's almost too good to be true
she just wants to scream, as they walk down that beach
"go away! i'm not good enough for you!"

but as always, she remains silent
she hides it all deep down inside
she's ashamed to express her feelings
so they walk quietly side by side

it's just that she doesn't believe in God
and she doesn't want him to find out
she's tried so hard to make it seem real
but there always remains some doubt

he's christian, but she doesn't want to be
basically he's right and she's wrong
sooner or later she'll face it
but she's been avoiding it all along

she wants to believe, but it's so unreal
like a fairy tale that never comes true
and everything she's ever been led to believe
it seems she eventually outgrew

when you're little you believe in the tooth fairy
and the easter bunny and santa claus too
but as you get older, you learn it's a lie
so what if the bible's not true??

he tells her it's real, and she wants to believe
but she's heard it all before
she doesn't want to be let down again
so her heart has chosen to ignore

she continues to walk in silence
but tries hard to change her thoughts
her worries are slowly turned to questions
and she becomes rather distraught

"what's the point of living,
if you only live to die?"
"life always seems too pointless-
i can't help but wonder- why?"

she's very aware, these are dangerous thoughts
and she's walking on thin ice
but she really couldn't care less
she thinks dying would be nice!!

falling asleep and never waking up
it sounds like a dream come true
but she's tried it before, and it never seemed to work
she'd have to think of something new

it would have to look like an accident
so no one would think they're to blame
then she catches herself and her thoughts
she really just wants out of all this pain

"what am i planning?" she thinks..
"my life can't possibly be that bad"
as they walk a bit further, hand in hand
she thinks of the troubles she's had

last year, she completely stopped eating
because gymnastics relies on weight
her confidence and self-esteem
were based on how much she ate

her parents began to worry
and it became harder to cover up
so after she ate, she'd slip off to the bathroom
and force herself to throw-up

a lot of her friends are suicidal
and i guess it's worn off onto her
she's tried to kill herself too many times
and now she's a self-mutilator

she cuts herself when she's crying
because it seems to stop her tears
she cuts herself when she's scared
because it helps to calm her fears

she cuts herself when she's lonely
when she's frustrated or depressed
she cuts herself when she's mad at herself
cause she hasn't done her best

she cuts herself because it hurts so bad
that he just can't love her back
and she cuts herself because she knows
that he deserves better than that

she cuts herself because she doesn't believe
that God will work everything out
and as she strolls down the beach, with the one she loves
that's all she can think about


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