Sunday, March 12, 2006


So far I’ve had trouble
Living this life that was handed to me
I’ve learned to live with the pain
I figured I’d never be free

All these years I’ve thought it was only me
Alone to change my ways
I thought if I could be different
I wouldn’t have such miserable days

First I tried to be perfect
In ever aspect of my life
But perfect never felt so perfect
And that’s when I took up the knife

I used it to punish myself
By cutting when I was bad
I used it to control my feelings
So I’d never again be so mad

It’s not that I didn’t know it was wrong
I just needed it to survive
Or sometimes when I felt dead inside
The blood reminded me I was alive

I used it to deal with my problems
When I was depressed and sad
And sometimes for no reason at all
Just to quiet this addiction I had

But today is when I start a new life
Though I am truly scared
God’s going to help me through it
He told me He’s always cared

“You can’t cut your way out of this-
-it won’t get better with a blade”
Was the message that I heard
The promise that God made

So I’m going to clean out my stash
Take all the temptation away
And then with Jesus by my side
I’ll take it day by day

I don’t feel like I can do this
But I just have to choose
There’s so much I could gain
And, what do I have to lose?
The scars, the blood stains,
The secrets, the lies?
The gossip about me?
The questioning eyes?

I won’t miss any of these
-that’s for sure!
And, hey, if I can make it work,
I’ll have found a cure!

The bible says I can do anything
“Through Christ who strengthens me”
And I’ll do whatever it takes
To finally be free
© Kathryn Small
† † † †

Isaiah 1:15-20
(emphasis mine)
15 When you spread out your hands in prayer,
I will hide my eyes from you;
even if you offer many prayers,
I will not listen.
Your hands are full of blood;
16 wash and make yourselves clean.
Take your evil deeds
out of my sight!
Stop doing wrong,
17 learn to do right!
Seek justice,
encourage the oppressed.
Defend the cause of the fatherless,
plead the case of the widow.
18 "Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
19 If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the best from the land;
20 but if you resist and rebel,
you will be devoured by the sword."
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.


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