Friday, April 28, 2006

Can You Ever Really Start Over??

Tulips
Spring time
Starting over
New life
But, how do you start over, with all the memories?
How do you ever forget the past?
Is there any way to erase what's already been done??
When you try to forget something that you've known so well & for so long
It's like trying to remember something that never really happened
Someone you've never even met
For, even if I could "start over"
"Forget" how good it feels
"Erase" the scars....
I would still be broken
My heart has been shattered too many times
I will never be whole again
And even that's impossible
See, once it's in your head, you become this strange new breed....
A life form that loves to fantasize it's own demise
And forgetting becomes like trying to wash off a permanent tattoo with soap and water
It'll never work
And the harder you scrub, the longer you work at it, the harder you try
The more frustrated you will become
Until it eventually leads to madness
You can cover it up, but it'll always be there, underneath
See, even if I was given some sort of ECT or lazer treatment
I could develop a sort of amnesia....
But even without remembering the past
I would still feel the hole
The ever-present, aching gap in my chest
Where my heart's supposed to be
And all I have to do is look down
See the scars on my arms & legs
To be forever reminded of how much better it felt
Putting them there in the first place

1 Comments:

Anonymous Wing 0 said...

One can never truly forget the past... no matter how hard they try... one can be given amnesia... but... the feeling remains in your heart... atleast one has knowledge as to how they have recieved those emotional scars... so its probably best to not forget... it will simply leave one confused... I have tried... so much... I didn't need to inflict the scars myself... my parents did that for me... see... you had the choice of inflicting those cuts... I didn't have the choice to choose when I would get beaten by a metal pole or burned by a molten spoon... you ask me if I try cutting myself... and I say no... there is no need for me to do that... however... I am the optimist... as you are the pessimist... those pictures that you have posted up... I look into those eyes... maybe it is a camera trick... but... I still see a glimmer of light within those so called "empty eyes"... one is only forced to remember all the tragedies of the past... if they still keep living it... love and emotion is something that I still don't understand... but... it works magic... I really don't know why... I just don't... but everytime I read these poems... I just feel this inner desire to just be there with you... help you scrub away those cuts and lacerations... take that razor blade from your hands and replace it with a carressing touch... I may never be able to heal your past... but... atleast I can help make memories of the future alot better... I have felt these things you describe... that void that replaces your heart... Kathryn... I know you don't trust me now... but... I beg... deep in the bottomest pits of my heart... atleast let me be there for you... let me be the blade that does the cutting for you... I am not interested in going in an intimate relationship with you... but... just think of me as a little brother... who'll always hold onto you whenever you need to be held... who will always be there to cheer you up whenever you are down...

8/14/2006 9:24 p.m.  

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