Sunday, July 10, 2005

I tried

I tried
I couldn’t make it deep enough
Even though it was completely frozen
I still couldn’t get deep enough
Deep enough to hit a vein, or an artery
Deep enough to do any “real” damage
Deep enough to kill
I guess I need a newer, sharper blade
I’ll remember to try that next time

I did bleed quite a bit
It was beautiful
But, I covered it
And wrapped them both up
Hidden from view
So no one knows
No one but me
And Him
No one but us

I think I need to go to the hospital again
Not for my arms
Not for the blood
For my head
My thoughts

“me” needs to be institutionalized
Sedated, restrained
“me” needs to be kept from doing anymore harm to herself
“me” can be a very bad girl....

One of these days, “me” is gonna go too far
“me” is gonna lose too much blood
“me” is gonna pass out
and “me” is gonna wake up dead

Is that what she wants?
To die?
Sometimes I think so..
Sometimes I don’t..

Mostly, I think that “me” just wants to be rescued
Mostly, I think that “me” doesn’t want to end up a tragedy..
and that’s where she’s headed..
and she needs help….

That’s what I think


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