the price i will pay

I sit alone and clench my fist
i hold the blade against my wrist
i try to think back to the times when i didn't feel this way

i try to remember when things were all right
i played away daytime, and dreamt away night
but it feels like an eternity has passed since that day

i was so young, not knowing how dark it could be
never dreaming about what could happen to me
and never, ever imagining or believing what may

i can almost remember how once i felt safe and protected
way back before my world got infected
when everyone always knew the right words to say

i try to think back to when each day was long
the world was a playground and my life a song
but that innocent life seems so far away

so i return to my tightly clenched fist
to the present, my problems, the blade and my wrist
i return to games i never thought i would play

i can't seem to remember how great things could be
when i was naive, uncorrupted and free

so i press the blade into my soft skin
the blood starts to come as i watch it cut in

all the games that i played long ago seem so gay

i now live in a world where i torture and slay

and when something goes wrong, the price i will pay....