Do You Care??

Do you care that I'm scared?
Do you care that I'm lost?
Do you care that I've been sold?
And purchased, for a cost?

Do you care that I'm lonely?
Do you care that I cry?
Do you care that it hurts so much,
I sometimes want to die??

Would you care if I gave up?
If I ran out of strength to fight?
Would you care if I lost hope?
And quit my life tonight?

Do you care that I'm broken?
I'm damaged beyond repair?
Do you care enough to fix me?
Does ANYONE out there care?

Do you care enough to return my calls?
Do you care enough to write?
Do you care enough to help me?
Do you care enough to fight?

Do you care enough to listen?
To really hear what I have to say?
Do you care enough to try and help
Make my problems go away??

Do you care that I'm losing the battle?
Do you care that I'm too weak to try?
Do you care that someday I'll be gone??
I'll disappear into the lie....

Do you care that I throw up?
Half the food that I actually eat?
Do you know that I ENJOY the blood?
Dripping in puddles at my feet?

Do you care that I'm so self-destructive?
Do you care that I can't stop?
Do you care that I'm so full of nothing??
I feel like I'm going to pop!!

DOES ANYONE CARE AT ALL??
Do you know why my favourite colour's red?
Would it matter to anybody out there
If tomorrow I was found dead?

Do you care that I feel so hopeless?
Do you care that I feel so sad?
Do you care that my body is empty?
Do you care that I get so mad?

Do you care that I get so frustrated?
I'm torn apart inside..
Do you care that I can't take anymore?
I no longer want to hide!!

Do you care that I feel so unloved?
Even when you say "I love you"?
Do you care that I hate myself so much
That I can't believe it's true??

Do you care that I just can't find comfort?
Do you care that I feel so alone?
Do you care that I'm fully rejected?
Do you care that my heart is a stone?

Do you care how much it hurts?
Do you care that I want to be free?
Do you care how long it lasts?
Does anyone care about me???

Counting..

One cut, two cuts, three cuts, four
Opening up to blood and gore
Five cuts, six cuts, seven cuts, eight
A beautiful masterpiece, I can create

One slash, two slash, three slash, four
I shouldn't do this anymore
Five slash, six slash, seven slash, eight
But this feeling, I love to hate

Fifty-six, fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine
Look at all the pretty lines
Sixty-one, sixty-two, sixty-three, sixty four
The blood is really starting to pour

One pill, two pills, three pills, four
It's not enough, I'll need some more
Eighty-five, eighty-six, eighty-seven, eighty-eight
Will that do it? I contemplate..

Eight drops, seven drops, six drops, five
Soon I'll no longer be alive
Four drops, three drops, two drops, one
Mission accomplished, I'm nearly done

Eight breaths, seven breaths, six breaths, five
I'm positive now, I will not survive
Four breaths, three breaths, tw o br e a . . . .

Control

I'm trying to run
But you're pushing rewind
I just want to hide
Somewhere you'll never find

I start to climb up
But you pull me back down
Though my heart wants to smile
You're making me frown

I'm stupid, so sue me
It just isn't fair
You're ruining my life
And you don't even care

I just want to cheerlead
Forever and more
All the math that I need
Is to count up the score

I don't need to go to school
I don't wanna learn
Any notes I've ever taken
I just wanna burn

I hate Mr. Allan
And he hates me too
We just don't get along
There's nothing you can do

You can threaten all you want
And yell until I cry
But the more you take away
The more I wanna die

My life is cheerleading
So once that is gone
I'll have nothing to live for
- no will to go on

So push all you want
But you'll never succeed
Control of my life
Is the one thing I need

Don't try to take over
Cause you'll never win
I don't know how to lose
I'll never give in

Bulimia

You see the signs
They're not hard to find
But I don't care
I close my mind

You know what I do
Behind the closed door
You know all too well
You've done it before

I'm so exhausted
My whole body is sore
I lie down and cry
Alone on the floor

I hate my looks
I hate my weight
I have to get rid
Of what I just ate

My fingers are scarred
My throat is raw
My mouth is so tired
My poor aching jaw

I'm so weak in my limbs
I might have to crawl
I'm afraid to get up
I think I might fall

You try so hard
But you just can't see
What it will take
To get through to me

I'm looking away
But your eyes stare at me
Into my eyes
Dark, hollow, empty..

But I'm not done
It isn't enough
I'll stick it out
I can be tough

Why is it so addictive?
I seem to know it's wrong
But the fear's just not there
It hasn't been for so long

I lie still and cry
I just don't see why
I can't seem to die
My life is a lie

Because Of You

**this is dedicated to brian dell -- brian, if you're reading this- you know what you did**

Because of you
I can't seem to sleep
Because of you
I break down and weep

Because of you
I take pills to keep me sane
Because of you
All I know is pain

Because of you
I don't trust myself or anyone
Because of you
And what you've done

Because of what you did
I try to cut you out of me
Because of you
I watch my blood run free

Because of you
My smile is fake
Because of you
I want to drown in the lake

Because of you
I had to grow up too fast
Because of you
My childhood didn't last

First I couldn't remember
And now I can't forget
I said over and over
"Please, wait.. Not yet"

Because of you
I cut myself with a blade
Because of you
I'll always be afraid

"My heart can't possibly break, when it wasn't even whole to start with."

A Glimmer Of Light

I go to my secret hiding place
Upstairs in my room
I take out the shiny, razor blades
Prepared to meet my doom

I know all of the rules
I know which way to make the cut
To keep the lights turned off
Or else keep my eyes tightly shut

So I can't see the beautiful crimson
That gorgeous ruby red flood
I might second guess my decision
If I looked at all that blood

But, maybe I won't do it that way
Maybe I'll take a lot of pills
Then I'll lie down and wait
Till my vitals all stand still

Or, maybe I'll buy a gun
And point it at my heart
One pull of the trigger
And from this life I will depart

No, I'll find a rope instead
Cause I can get a rope for free
Then I'll take it into the woods
And hang myself from a tree

No, that's it- I've made my decision
I'm gonna jump from way up high
I'll dive and land head first
And surely I will die

If you'll excuse me- I must go now
I've got a note to write
Saying Good-bye to those I love
That I'm sorry I quit the fight

I really must be on my way
The glimmer is in sight
It's at the end of a long, dark road
I can see a beautiful, bright, shining light