I tried

I tried
I couldn’t make it deep enough
Even though it was completely frozen
I still couldn’t get deep enough
Deep enough to hit a vein, or an artery
Deep enough to do any “real” damage
Deep enough to kill
I guess I need a newer, sharper blade
I’ll remember to try that next time

I did bleed quite a bit
It was beautiful
But, I covered it
And wrapped them both up
Hidden from view
So no one knows
No one but me
And Him
No one but us

I think I need to go to the hospital again
Not for my arms
Not for the blood
For my head
My thoughts
Me

“me” needs to be institutionalized
Sedated, restrained
“me” needs to be kept from doing anymore harm to herself
“me” can be a very bad girl....

One of these days, “me” is gonna go too far
“me” is gonna lose too much blood
“me” is gonna pass out
and “me” is gonna wake up dead

Is that what she wants?
To die?
Sometimes I think so..
Sometimes I don’t..

Mostly, I think that “me” just wants to be rescued
Mostly, I think that “me” doesn’t want to end up a tragedy..
and that’s where she’s headed..
and she needs help….

That’s what I think
Mostly

I'm Bleeding For You

i take out my razor
test it's sharpness with a prick on my finger
as the tiny, ruby red droplets begin to leak from the surface
i am assured that it will do the job just fine

i begin to make cuts on my arm
shallow, superficial wounds at first
and then deeper, more dangerous lacerations
as i realize i'm out of control
i can't stop myself....

slash
for the incomplete assignments on my desk, waiting to be finished
slash, slash
for the sol circles i worked on until my hands were raw and bleeding, and i still couldn't get
slash, slash, slash, slash
one for each pound i'm determined to lose this week
and slash, slash.. 6 more
one for each person who has abandoned me when i needed them the most

i stop to catch my breath
and watch the blood run down my arms
bleeding out the memories
bleeding out the lies
bleeding out the feelings

if you saw me, would you even care?
would you take the time to cry?
or tell me that you were there??

when you're about to walk away
just remember
how unhappy i am

just when you're about to leave
remember
i'm bleeding for you