Friday, December 17, 2004

maybe..

maybe i want you to see
maybe i want you to see what happens
when there's too much to deal with
and i can't handle it all anymore

maybe i want you to see
but not get all worried
the way people tend to react
when they first find out what i do

maybe i want you to see
but not try to be a hero
by telling parents, and teachers, and doctors
cause they don't really understand anyway

maybe i want you to see
but i don't want you to change
to suddenly be more careful
cause you don't want to set me off or something

maybe i want you to see
but i don't want you to try and stop me
because it's easier to just let things be

because cutting is all i have
why would you want to take that away??

Does Anyone Know??

does anyone know what's wrong with my heart?
does anyone know why it's all torn apart?
does anyone know why I'm feeling so sad?
does anyone know how to make me feel glad?

does anyone know why this happened to me?
does anyone know how to set my soul free?
does anyone know why i didn't just die?
does anyone know why i lie here and cry?

does anyone know why i just feel so mad?
does anyone know why it's all just so bad?
does anyone know how to find the old me?
does anyone know, or can anyone see?

does anyone know how it's shattered my heart?
does anyone know it's still coming apart?
does anyone know or can anyone tell?
where i should have been headed when i tripped and fell?

does anyone know or does anyone care?
why i have to be here instead of out there?
does anyone know that I'd pay any fee?
to just be set loose and find the real me?

letter to the vice principal

mr. ruff,

never tell me what to do
- i don't take orders
i'm always in control
- don't try to overpower me
i'll do whatever i want
- don't tell me I'm not allowed
i'll never quit cheering
- so just let me be

i'll always hate school
- you can't make me like it
i'll never respect you
- i won't change my mind
i don't need your opinion
- don't force it upon me
stop pushing me forwards
- let me fall behind

you know i won't listen
- why waste your breath talking?
i didn't read your letter
- don't write me a book
i can choose to ignore you
- you can't make me hear you
you could paint the perfect future
- i'd never even look

kick me off the team
- i just won't come to school
do whatever you want
- I'll never cry
try to stop me from cheerleading
- you don't deserve the satisfaction
you'd be guilty of murder
- I'd just choose to die

Sometimes

sometimes
i get lonely
even though you may be right there
i still feel alone

sometimes

i feel hopeless
like all my problems
are permanent
and will never go away


sometimes
i am just so sad
i want to put a gun to my head
and pull the trigger

sometimes
i feel very upset
i want to pull a bag over my head
and tie it around my neck

sometimes
i am frustrated
i want to take a sharp object
and slice my wrist
sometimes i do

sometimes
i am so angry
i want to take a knife
and stab it
right through my heart

sometimes
when i don't feel loved
i want to take a rope
and hang myself from my fan

sometimes
when it hurts too much
i want to take all the medecine in the house
and swallow it
and wait
for all the pain to go away

sometimes
when i am alone
i try these escape routes
but i never complete them

sometimes
i'm scared
that i will complete them
and no one will care