Not Me

I am not the girl who does these things
I’m not the one you see
This crazy, horrible nonsense
Has not been done by me
--
I don’t throw up the things I eat
I never skip a meal
I’m not someone who hurts herself
And I would never steal
--
I don’t have any secrets
I’ve no need to tell a lie
I’ve never attempted suicide
I’ve no reason to want to die
--
I’ve never been in the hospital
Or an ambulance or cop car
I’ve never lived in a group home
Nowhere near, or far
--
I’ve never been in restraints
I’ve never been sent away
Never been in treatment
Or had meds brought on a tray

--
I don’t need to take pills
I am already sane
I don’t need to go to therapy
I’ve got nothing to gain
--
I sleep soundly every night
No trouble there, it seems
I’ve never had a flashback
I never have bad dreams
--
I've never been abused
Physically or sexually
Nor emotional or mental
It's never happened to me
--
I’ve never dissociated
Never had a panic attack
I’m not this person people think I am
So please, just take a step back
--
This awful girl you're speaking of
This terrible person you see
You must be mistaking with someone else
Because, it's just not me

Please God....

If God can make me better

He can choose to make me well

Why won't He do it now?

I want out of this Hell
--

If He can see it all

He can see that I'm in pain

And He can choose to help

He can choose to make me sane

--

God hears everything

He hears me as I cry

He hears me as I scream

He knows I want to die

--

God's fingers feel my scars

His eyes can see the blood

He hears it hit the ground

Dark red & thick, like mud

--

So why has He not helped me?

Does He want me to live this way?

I just don't want to be like this

I can't stand it another day

--

So God, if you are reading

My prayer is that you'll try

To help me mend my broken heaert

And hold me as I cry